ugh.

seriously why?

emotional

I never realized how emotional i really am about my life. I literally cry at everything that i see and i dont even know why.

:)

I literally have no idea what to title this post because i am so satisfied with my life right now. this weekend for the first time ever i am going to fly on an airplane. I am so excited but kinda nervous at the same time. I'm also finally fufilling my dream of seeing the jonas brothers in concert so its a double happy day for me. On another random note i honestly believe that music is what makes the world go round. So school is starting on monday and i seriously am excited. But last year i had absolutely no classes in the C building (AKA the main building) so i am basically screwed while the freshman get like a whole day to see their classes i will be the lone lost soilder. sweet dude. I cant wait to see my sissy this weekend. :)

things

are finally back to normal again :) besides the fact that my brother punched me in the face and my dad forgot my birthday. wtf.

:(

I miss my best friend :(

really?

like really?

weird.

so i meant to go to playlist.com to listen to some music but when i looked up at the screen i had subconciously typed in blogspot.com. i'm obviously meant to blog. I miss my mom a lot. and i miss my friends. I was so excited to be in California so long so that i could see Lindsay because i havent seen in her in so long. So when i try to make plans shes leaving for Arizona for a week. What? like really is this happening.

smile.

even the littlest thing made my entire dau
"i've been thinking about you lately and i decided i would text you and see how you were doing"
<3

crazy dreams.

Last night i had the greatest dream ever. Things were perfect in it. And than i woke up and realized that i was back to reality that when i walked outta my room i wouldnt be on a tour bus i'd just be in my house. I hate when you have a dream thats so perfect you never want to wake up and you just want to keep dreaming and dreaming.

tell me why

why does your name have to be so damn common?

mom.

So today me and my mom had a talk for a good hour. It wasnt just like a normal 'how are you' talk. We talked about real things about my life, about my family everything. And during it she told me the biggest secret that my family has right now and she trusted me with it. We also talked about my brother. I told her that life would be so much simpilier for everyone if Landon was a girl. I said that we'd get along better and have the BFF bond that i have always wanted. And now that i am thinking about i wouldnt trade Landon for the world. Even though we constantly are fighting i know that one day in the future we will have the BFF bond that I want. We als0 talked about how my mom had a miscarrage. She had it after she had my sister and than 7 years later i came along. I strongly believe that i was the miscarriage and after a good 7 years i reformed and came into the earth. I feel like i was brought here to make my mom happy because 7 years after i was born my parents got divorced. I feel like these 7 year incriments mean something. Am i crazy?

thoughts on the world

If we lived in a perfect world things would be so much easier than they are now. I would have the guts to tell the guy i have been crushing on forever how i feel without him thinking i was an idiot, My parents would never have gotten divorced and my life would be so much more simple than it is now, My brother and I would get along for once in our lives, I would still have the best friends that I had when i was in kindergarden, There would be no homeless people or starving people, The war would have never begun and peace would take over, There would be no racism and everyone would just be happy.

hi dad.

"We might as well be strangers, Be strangers, For all I know of you now." I just want to let you know that i'm not coming with you on friday. i know that you will be upset with me but when have you ever been a dad to me? i know you'll say you dont care that i'm not going and that its my choice but honestly i dont feel comfortable. Its like going with a complete stranger somewhere because honestly thats what you feel like to me a stranger.

Goodbye Linds,

I feel like it was just yesterday when we were messaging on myspace. Right then and there i knew that we were going to be best friends. I remember the first time we ever saw each other we didnt even recognize each other like we were complete strangers and now we cant go a second without being around each other. Your the only person that would stay stuck in a bathroom with me for 30 minutes because we are afraid a cat will attack us. I wish so badly that we didnt wait so long to become friends because now your leaving and i dont think that i am equipped to handle it. Just like that in the blink of an eye your packing up and leaving. I know i had plenty of warning so that i could prepare myself for our last goodbye but honestly time flew by to fast for me to even realize you were leaving. And now all of the sudden it hit me like a bus. Your never coming back. Your going to be gone forever. Your completely starting your life over and that takes so much strength. I know that you will do fine in California though. I will just have to get used to the fact that i cant just text you and say im coming over because you'll be miles and miles away. You've been there for me all year and you mean so much to me. I think that your date was changed because God knew that i wouldnt be here to say goodbye. And now by some miracle we will both be going to lake havasu the weekend before you move and i couldnt be more ecstatic. I'll always remember you. and you'll always be my best friend.

My dad the superhero?

My dad saved my life. He saved my life more than once in fact. He used to be my biggest hero. The one i used to look up to. People used to always ask me if i was a mommys girl or a daddys girl. Without any second thoughts at all my answer would be daddys girl. And just like that in the blink of an eye he didnt even look at me anymore. Every weekend when he comes by to get my brother its like he totally forgets he even has a daughter. Whats the point in even smiling or saying hi to him when he doesnt even know that i exsist. I wish so badly that i could get the guts to walk up to him tap him and on the shoulder and say, "daddy do you even love me?" I want to ask him what i did wrong to make him hate me so much. Or even if i did something wrong. Without my dad i wouldnt be here today. If i knew he would hate me i wouldnt have wanted him to save me. I remember that after my parents got divorced i would hang out with my dad every single weekend. And now we barely even make eye contact. When my phone rings and on the caller id it says, 'Daddy Sabori' i am so hoping that maybe he is just calling to say hi kelsey how are you doing? but no the only reason he calls me is when no one else in my entire family answeres their phone. My dad wants to do something for fathers day but honestly i dont want to go. its just not right. he doesnt deserve it so heres to you dad. thanks for showing me what not to do.

AHHHH.

I wish school would just be over already!! It feels like the days are going to drag on and on and on knowing that were so so close to finishing. I am really stressing over finals. Life definatly is not as simple as it used to be.

dwindle.

As the year comes down to the wire i am more stressed than ever before. We did a final review math packet today and i seriously didnt know anything on the packet at all. its amazing how much you can forgot in so little time. i seriously wish we didnt have finals. but i am so ready to be done being a freshman and enjoy summer 09:)

alright.

Sorry for the inconsisity of blogs. i was reading through some of my old posts and i realized that a blog actually does help. sure everyone knows its you thats writing but that really doesnt matter. i forgot how good it felt to actually release things that i'm to afraid to say out loud. my last post was about mini town and i realized how much i love mini town and how much i miss it. since mini town i have gotten together with all the counselers like 3 times and i love having them to go to, but i havent gotten together with the kids that know me best since mini town and it really made my heart ache. I love walking around and hearing my name and look and see mini town kids and they actually remember me, it makes me feel so good about myself to know that i have made an impact in someones elses life.

MINITOWN!

I am seriously in love with mini town. It is the greatest thing that has ever happend to me, and it has made me who i am today! I am so blessed to have met so many amazing people who are destined to change the world one day. The students who all went are some of the strongest kids i know, and i seriously idolize them for being as strong as they are. They definitly made my first counseling experience so memorable, and I love watching all of the kids grow as one big family and let their guards down. I want to go back and be with everyone again. Go back to the place where i feel safe, the place where I am always accepted, and the place that I love.

:(

My dad saved my life multiple times. He used to be my biggest hero and now he doesnt even say one word to me. Did i do something wrong? Am i not good enough to be your daughter? Are you embarassed of me? I just want to know. But now i dont think i ever will.

i am so excited.

I was at training for mini town the other day and it was so good. I walked into school not knowing who any of the other counselers were besides a couple but by the end of the day it was like we were already one giant family. I am so looking forward to camp i cant wait to let out some of the things i have been holding in for a while.

yesterday.

Yesterday i was listening to scars by papa roach and it got me thinking a lot. That song is all about how the past will always be with you because you have scars that remind you that the past actually did happen. Whether the scars be physical or mental/emotional. There is a quote that says, "focus on the present and not the past" but the truth is the past will always be there. no matter how hard you try to forget about it or that it ever happened. You will always have a reminder that the past actually did happen and you cant always focus on the present because that past makes the present.

worst.

Valentines day ever! i hate that holiday. I wish things could go back to how they used to be in elementenary school where we all made cute boxes and went around the whole school dropping valentines and candy off. And everyone felt special and didnt have to worry about anything. Times were so much easier back than, than they are now.

soaring, flying

Today i registered for next years classes. Freshman year flew by so quickly its like it never even began. As i was choosing my classes it got me thinking. I mean those are really the classes that i would be taking next year, no go backs. As excited as i am to be a sophomore i did not think that it would come so soon. I put a lot of thought into my classes and I hope that i made the right choice. It was also very sad to register because i registered with my newest best friend. I just met her this year and she told me that she is moving to California, so she wont be there with me next year. I never thought that one of my best friends would be moving especially since i just met her. I know I am in her same situation but she is actually leaving..for sure. I just wish that this year would go by so much slower than it is because it is going by in the blink of an eye.

HI 2009.

I am so glad that 2008 is over. It seemed like one of the longest years ever. Fortunatly for me i spent my new years even laying on the couch with a blanket completely unable to talk or breathe and my head felt like it was going to burst at any given moment. Being sick sucks. I am really hoping for a fresh start in 2009, to throw away all the bad things in my life and focus on all of the good. So far its going pretty well i hope..